Is this a good introduction to a persuasive essay going against myspace?

Myspace 閳?(n) the ultimate game of testing your ego; a popularity contest; a place of danger; the new addiction. Ever since its launch in late 2003, Myspace has become a social-networking website for teens and young adults. It may seem like a regular website for easy communication, but what you don閳ユ獩 see behind the pages is a whole different story. Parents should be more cautious when allowing their children alone on the internet because access to Myspace not only is time consuming but also an easy system for sex predators to meet young teens.

how could i fix it up?

Is this a good introduction to a persuasive essay going against myspace?

I think it's really good the way it is wrote.

Is this a good introduction to a persuasive essay going against myspace?

I totally do not agree with any percent of what you wrote, but I do know that it is an excellent intro!!

Is this a good introduction to a persuasive essay going against myspace?

I think that is a good introduction. I have to agree with you. I am a member of myspace, but I would definatly supervise my children if they were on there. There are some sick people out there.

Is this a good introduction to a persuasive essay going against myspace?

It's not too bad. I'd accept it. You introduce the topic, describe briefly what makes it controversial, and take a clear stand on the side of parental caution. The one concern I have is that the beginning seems to address users ("testing your ego") and the thesis seems to address parents--or at least call parents to greater accountability. Be clear about which group is your intended audience, and re-word the appropriate sentences to address your audience.

Is this a good introduction to a persuasive essay going against myspace?

im not great at english but i'll throw in my 2 cents.

the sentence: "It may seem like a regular website for easy communication, but what you don閳ユ獩 see behind the pages is a whole different story." , seems a bit awkward, maybe write "Myspace may seem like a regular website for easy communication, but hidden within the pages is a drastically different story". I dont think you need "what you don't see" and also for future reference try not to use "you" and instead of "don't" write "do not".

The last sentence seems to run on too long, try splitting it up. I think it might be stronger if instead of writing what parents "should" do, write what they are doing, ex. "Parents are leaving their children vulnerable with lack of supervision" then explain what they are left vulnerable for. Go into further detail in the body paragraphs, maybe including what parents "should" do.

hope this helps a bit.

Is this a good introduction to a persuasive essay going against myspace?

the only thing I object to is "time consuming" because it does not take a great deal of time to access myspace. I would recommend changing that to "myspace can become an all-consuming drain on time in the users desire to make their space 'perfect,' as well as provide sex predators with ample access to unsuspecting minors."

Is this a good introduction to a persuasive essay going against myspace?

The introduction is fine, but you need a better thesis statement.